Everything Is Going To Be Okay. Or Is It?

Jennifer Owen, MA, LPC, NCC

As I was preparing for this blog, I thought to myself, “What would I want to hear right now?” I don’t know about you but after the year we have had, I just want to hear someone tell me that everything is going to be okay. Am I alone in feeling this way? Don’t you just want someone to tell you, “Don’t worry, sweetheart. Everything is going to be okay.”

The more I thought about the phrase “Everything is going to be okay”, the pessimist in me (or what I like to call the realist in me) said “that’s just not possible”. I would be lying to you if I told you that everything was going to be okay. Let’s be real for a second here:

• Things sometimes aren’t okay. 
• Life can be a mess and there’s nothing we can do about it. 

Well.. doesn’t that sound hopeless and depressing? This is probably not the type of encouragement that you were expecting to hear from a counselor. All that being said, bear with me. This blog doesn’t end here. 

So, instead of asking myself, “What would I want to hear right now?”, I decided to ask myself, “What do I need to hear right now?” I want to hear “Everything is going to be okay.” but what I need to hear is…

“I can be okay even if things around me are not okay.”

You may be thinking to yourself, 

• “What is the difference between the two?” 
• “That makes no sense.”
• “This counselor has lost her mind!”

Hear me out. When we hear the phrase “Everything is going to be okay”, it often gives us a false sense of hope. We anxiously await for everything to finally be okay in order for us to feel okay. You may be feeling a bit lost here so let me give you some examples:

• “This virus will be over soon and then we can all go back to normal.”
• “Once I get that raise and make more money, things will be fine.”
• “When my kids learn to listen then we won’t be dealing with all of these problems.”
• “If my spouse would just stop drinking then our marriage would be fixed.”
• “If I just work harder then everything is going to work out in the end.”

Do you see the pattern here? These examples show us that we are placing our hope in temporary change- oftentimes in change that is out of our control- to provide us with permanent peace of mind. I hate to break it to you but…   

When we put our hope in temporary things, we will always end up feeling hopeless.

At this point, you are probably wondering when things will start to sound more encouraging. 🙂 

Remember, what we need to hear right now is:

“I can be okay even if things around me are not okay.”

Let’s face it. Our world is a mess and even once one problem gets “fixed” it doesn’t take long before something else goes wrong or our “fixed” problem is no longer fixed. Therefore, we need to learn to have a proper perspective in order to have lasting peace. 

Gaining proper perspective allows us to be okay even when things are not okay. 

So, let’s take our previous examples and view them with a proper perspective: 

Instead of …

• “This virus will be over soon and then we can all go back to normal.”

Let’s think of it like this…

• “Although we cannot guarantee that the virus will go away anytime soon, we can find ways to enjoy life right now.”

Instead of…

• “Once I get that raise and make more money, things will be fine.”

Let’s think of it like this…

• “Money cannot buy me happiness. I can find happiness and contentment in what I already have like my faith, family, and friends.” 

Instead of…

• “When my kids learn to listen then we won’t be dealing with all of these problems.”

Let’s think of it like this…

• “My kids may struggle but I have the blessing of being their parent. They won’t be little forever so I want to cherish this time with them even though at times it is difficult.”

Instead of…

• “If my spouse would just stop drinking then our marriage would be fixed.”

Let’s think of it like this…

• “Perhaps if my spouse and I get the help that we both need, our marriage and our personal lives could improve.”

Instead of…

• “If I just work harder then everything is going to work out in the end.”

Let’s think of it like this…

• “Even if I work my hardest, I cannot guarantee that everything will be okay. That being said, working hard can produce valuable results that I can be proud of.” 

Do you see the difference? This perspective change allows for our hope and our peace to be placed in something more solid and long-lasting. We can say to ourselves, 

“I can be okay even if things around me are not okay.”

Please note, this type of perspective change does not come easily. It might be really difficult to switch to a more proper perspective. However, this change is crucial! Give yourself grace as you practice making this perspective shift. 

If you want to gain an even more stable perspective, look to place your hope on the one source that can provide eternal peace: Jesus Christ. 

Jesus came to earth as a baby and lived a perfect, sinless life. He was crucified on the cross to pay the price for our sin. He rose from the dead on the third day and defeated sin and death. When we place our faith in him, he provides us with peace, hope, and eternal life.

Jesus gives us peace, hope, and eternal life.

• Isaiah 9:6- For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
• John 3:16- “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.
• John 14:27- Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. 
• John 16:33- I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”
• Romans 15:13- May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.
• 1 Peter 1:3-6- Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

What can we do to gain this peace, hope, and eternal life?

• Romans 10: 9- If you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.
• Isaiah 26:3- You (God) keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you
• Romans 12:12- Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.
• Romans 5:2-5: Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
• Psalm 4:8- In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety
• Psalm 34:14- Turn away from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.
• Psalm 119:165- Great peace have those who love your law; nothing can make them stumble.
• Philippians 4:6-7- Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

If you find yourself struggling to gain a proper perspective of what is going on in your life right now, talk to someone about it. Talk to a trusted family member, friend, a counselor, or even God. Allow someone into your life to help you gain a better perspective. Let someone help you to rest in the phrase, “I can be okay even if things around me are not okay.”